It's always around this time of the year - after Christmas and the week before New Year's, that I become a bit sentimental. I stopped making resolutions years ago...if I want to change something I'll do it when I want, not at a predetermined time of the year with everyone else. And how many of us truly keep our resolutions anyway? This is also the time of year when memories of the past trickle thru my mind, often passing thru and not stopping, but sometimes, or rather oftentimes, stopping and sitting a bit...memories of my childhood, memories of family time, friends, school, memories of happy times and memories of sad times.
On January 4 will be the three year anniversary of my grandmother Juanita's death. She was a vibrant 92-year old woman who lived a long and happy life. I was honored to speak at her eulogy. Sadly, my grandma Marie, who will turn 92 this week, is currently in a nursing home and visiting her has brought many memories back of both my grandma Juanita and my own mother, who passed away in 1993. Seeing those you love ill is difficult, sad and to me, brings a feeling of helplessness. If I could only take away the pain, I would.
I thought I would share the eulogy I gave at my grandmother Juanita's wake almost three years ago. Both of my grandmothers were forces of nature in my life and I grew up feeling like I had three mothers - Juanita, Marie, and my mother, Judy. I feel fortunate to have memories of all three of them that will always be remembered, will always be cherished and will always be thankful for.
Grandma Marie, Christmas, 2009....she turns a "young" 92 this week. Happy Birthday Grandma!
Read at the Eulogy for Juanita Vevea, Wednesday, January 9, 2008:
Thank you to all who have come to pay their respects to my grandmother Juanita. I am both honored and sad to stand before you to offer a glimpse into the life of a woman who was more than a grandmother to me. In the 45 years I was honored to have her in my life, grandma taught me, through her words and actions, to live a life of thankfulness, caring, grace, empathy, compassion, humor and above all, the importance of God, family and friends. I, along with many others, am left with memories to fill a lifetime. As the firstborn grandchild, grandma often referred to me as her 5th child following my father Russell, Joyce, Doug and Mark. After the loss of my own mother, Judy, and the subsequent loss of my father, Russ, both of my grandmothers filled a maternal role more than ever. I feel like I’ve lost a mother all over again.
Family was above all. the most important thing in grandma’s life. She and Lawrence raised four children and she spent her lifetime caring for Doug, or rather they cared for each other. In the past few years their roles reversed somewhat that Doug was grandma’s main caregiver. His urging of her to go out to lunch and shopping I believe kept her more active than if she was living alone. Juanita adored her grandchildren – Rachel, Angie, Nathan, Alison and was so proud to be a great-grandmother to Cooper and Maggie. Every time she received a photo or heard news about one of us she was on the phone to share the news with the rest of the family.
We each hold within us memories of Juanita – memories of family gatherings, birthdays, and holidays. Memories of losses – the loss of her husband, son, daughter-in-law, her brothers. In my heart, it is the memories often associated with my childhood that I hold dear. Memories of boating and snowmobiling on Prior Lake, memories of Juanita and Lawrence picking up my sister, Rachel, and I in Ortonville and spending a couple of weeks before school with both sets of our grandparents – going back with new school shoes and a new pencil box full of school supplies. She was the one I told when I got my first kiss, who took care of me when I was ill my 2nd year of college and had to leave school for awhile, who taught me to be assertive but gentle, kind at all times, gracious and caring. Memories of Thanksgiving with plates brimming over with more starches than anyone should ever eat – the requisite mashed potatoes and dressing, but also wild rice, noodles, sweet potatoes and lots of gravy and the homemade cranberry sauce that looked like a piece of modern art shaped like a Greek pyramid. A few of us probably remember the kadolflke-making event at Grandma Ella’s and the lutefisk debacle in the 70s. I remember grandma underneath the kitchen table trying to coax Shane, her dog, and her getting bit. I remember sitting on the couch holding her hand hours after Grandpa Lawrence died. I remember her driving – us passengers often white-knuckled as she had a bit of a heavy foot. When my own son Cooper was born and was in neonatal intensive care, she was the first person I saw when I stepped off the elevator to see my son for the first time. Her love was ever present. I remember the utter sadness and despair she felt when our mother, her daughter-in-law, was diagnosed with cancer.
Juanita was very adamant about the pursuit of education. In her life, one could not have ‘too much’ education. Grandma was one of the smartest women I knew – she was a voracious reader and used to read 2-3 books a week. It was important to her that her children and grandchildren receive as much education as possible. She was very proud of the accomplishments of her children and grandchildren and they have done much to make her proud and continue to do so. As I continue my own education, she was the one that pushed me forward and kept me going always telling me you’re never too old to go to school.
A lifelong Catholic, grandma was a religious and spiritual woman who prayed daily and attended Mass when she could. When anyone was going through a difficult time, she would always say ‘extra’ prayers. I always believed that grandma’s prayers were heard first as things always got a bit better after her ‘extra’ prayers. She was loyal to her family and every Memorial Day up until this past year made the trek to the family plots to place fresh plants for her parents, aunt and uncle and husband.
There are so many memories, warm thoughts, enduring moments…and so many things I will now miss especially the daily phone call, the warm hug and kiss, the “I love you”, her saying how proud she was of me. I miss my grandmother. I miss her smile, her laugh, the sparkle in her eyes. I miss watching her fix her hair and put make-up on, her pretty ruby lips. I miss her charm, her humor, her sensibility. I miss the family rituals she honored and protected. I miss the stories of her life. She was the matriarch of the Vevea family and it is with utmost sadness and grief that an important chapter in our family has passed. But it is the memories that we will hold on to and tell our children. It is these memories that I hold closest to me and know that though grandma is in heaven – and finally after so many, many years – free of the crippling pain that she suffered – she is with those that she so dearly loved that died before her and know she is having the party of her life. My dear, beautiful, loving, caring grandma…say ‘hi’ to grandpa, mom and dad for Rachel and I okay? Let them know that we think of them often and know that you will continue to watch over us as you did when you were alive. Thank you for your guidance and love, thank you for showing me how to be a good mother, a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter. Thank you for living a life that exemplifies what goodness is and what ideal I should strive for. Thank you for sharing 92 years of your life with all of us. Thank you for your prayers and blessings. Good-bye grandma…may the peace and love of God surround you and keep you and may His light be ever with you.
A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend.
-- Author Unknown
