Circle of Friends and Family

It's been a few months since I've updated my blog. Basically, I took the summer off from writing. Now it is Labor Day weekend and autumn seems just around the corner, especially as I sit near my patio door, half open, with a cool breeze coming through the livingroom. The last few months and this summer have seemed surreal.  If you are one of my close friends (this includes family), you know what has happened in my personal life and I have decided to not go into specifics in this blog - it is not the platform nor the appropriate place to write and publish all that has happened to me personally.

I did not attend any art fairs, carnivals, summer events or concerts this year, though my life has seemed like a roller coaster at an amusement park - up and down, fast curves, shrills, thrills and screams. I have cried more this year than I have in my entire life and felt a range of emotions that I didn't know existed within my being. The emotions and related anxiety and stress took a toll on my physical self of which I am recovering. I am also recovering emotionally and thank a supportive, wonderful, loving, protective group of friends and family that encircle me like a warm blanket. 

I am so very thankful and fortunate to have in my life people who have shown tremendous support, great help (I moved), gave hugs, kisses, time and most importantly, their friendship. To my friends and family who have shown tremendous support these past few months, words are not enough to express the gratitude, appreciation and love I have for each and every one of you. You have shown me what true and honest friendship is and I hope that I am the friend to you that you are to me.

Many of my friends are going through their own personal 'crises' right now - some are unemployed or losing their jobs, some have ill relatives, some are having relationship problems. Know that I am here for you as you are for me. Together, friends form bonds that help each other get through the trials and tribulations that occur in our lives.

Though this summer was full of much transition for me, I am looking forward to autumn, my favorite season of the year. I'm grateful for a terrific son who is in his 3rd year of college and doing great; I'm excited to start painting again in a couple of weeks; and I'm elated to begin an EdD program at Saint Mary's University of Minnesota. I'm happy for my best girlfriend who got married to a wonderful man in May; I love the 'girl time' I spent with my 4-year old niece this summer (miss you Maggie!); I'm thankful for a sister who calls often to see how I'm doing; I'm proud of my 4 cousins who got married this summer and another one who is engaged (3 out of the 4 are brothers!); but mostly, I'm thankful. It is true that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...and some of the decisions I made this past summer - be them forced or not - I realize are for the best.

Sending my love and gratitude to my family and friends....always, Renee.

My Best Friend's Wedding

I've known C for over 20 years. We met at our first "official" jobs (meaning: 40 hours per week with benefits). Over the years we've gone thru much together - marriage, divorce, children, jobs, boyfriends, weight gain, weight loss....along with tears and laughter. Lots of laughter. C has an insatiable personality that lights up a room the minute she enters. She is loving, affectionate, and caring. C is also strong, assertive and confident. C calls every woman she meets - even if she doesn't know them - 'girlfriend'. As in 'thank you, girlfriend' after being served at a restaurant.

Over the years we have known each other, even though there were periods of time we didn't keep in touch (life events can sometimes make this happen), we grew closer and every time we talked and saw each other picked up where we left off. Since I moved to Minneapolis almost 6 years ago, C and I don't see each other as often, the last time being over a year ago. C flew to Minneapolis for a fun-filled and activity-packed 4 days. As soon as C got off the plane she said she had something to show me, something new. We weren't in the house 5 minutes and she unzipped her pants and pulled her shirt up to show a colorful artistic rendition of flowers flowing down the side of her body, not unlike the art she designs on the cakes she decorates at her restaurant in Rapid City (SD). C had fun showing her body art to everyone she met during her trip here. That's one thing I love about C - her whimsy, her freedom, her authenticity.

C is my best friend and we refer to each other as 'sister'. We call each other 'sis' along with other nicknames only the two of us use. This weekend, my 'sis' is getting remarried and I will stand beside her as maid-of-honor. I have not met her betrothed, J, though I have talked to him on the phone a few times. I can only imagine the wonderful and loving man he is for C would not be with anyone otherwise. I am happy for them. I am happy for the life they are starting together. I am happy my best friend has another best friend. I am not losing a sister but rather gaining a brother-in-law.

      Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other. 

                                                                                                           ~Carol Saline

New Paintings_Color Studies

While I was in graduate school (the past 5 years), I often thought of what I would do after I finished. Oh yes, I definitely was going to continue working full-time, but the time spent studying, for me, had to be replaced. Never one to sit quiet, I'm used to keeping myself busy. For the past 3 years or so, I looked forward to painting. I had never painted before and had no idea if I would like it - or even be good at it (still don't know if I am). But it didn't matter. The thought of swirling colors on a palette, seeing the variance in hues and tones, and slathering wet paint on a white untouched canvas seemed...well, liberating.

Promptly after graduating last summer I registered for an acrylic painting class at a local fine arts center. After purchasing the supplies - 3 brushes, 4 tubes of paint (is that all?), a canvas and a roll of paper towel, I excitedly waited for the first night of class. The instructor has a MFA in painting and is a kind and patient teacher. The first night of class we painted our color palette with primary colors (red, blue, yellow) and then secondary colors (green, orange, purple). Oh I how loved twirling the colors together to form different variations...and with only 3 tubes of primary colors and a tube of white I was able to create almost every color I desired. Black, gray, brown and purple became challenging for me, but I figured it out.

Fast forward 7 months and I'm about to take my 3rd round of acrylic painting classes at the fine arts center and am in the midst of a second round of 'artists studio plus' on Wednesdays - an open studio located a mere 7 minutes from my home. I now paint twice a week. Painting has easily replaced 'studying' and for me is a form of therapy. When I paint I let my mind go free, never knowing what I will paint until the brush hits the canvas.

I guess I may be a bit unconventional as I don't paint from a still life or photograph. I have painted some pieces from my memories of the beautiful Black Hills in the winter - snowcapped pine trees, softly lit pink skies. I admire the work of Cy Twombly, so have tried to paint my own type of flowers. And I'm trying my hand at abstract (the paintings below). Using pumice, modeling compounds, different painting implements, and water has allowed the paint to express itself on the canvas rather than me controlling the paint. Where it goes and where it stops is up to the paint, not the artist.

No, I don't plan on 'quitting my day job' and becoming a full-time painter but I am both thankful and fortunate to portray my many inspirations thru paint. There is so much more I want to paint - the sensuous of a nude woman's silhouette, the autumn evening sky...ideas churn around and inspire me for my next project. 

       "The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?"

                                                                                                         Pablo Picasso 

New Paintings! March - 2nd round

Click here to view these pictures larger

Leaving Home

This past Friday I dropped my son off at the airport for his spring break flight to Tucson, AZ. Not only is this his first 'official' spring break trip, but he is also traveling to his potential new city. Our son notified us last summer that he is, well, bored living in the Midwest and desires to explore another part of the country where it is 'warmer'. He has two friends going to the University of Arizona, both business majors as himself, so C researched, applied, got accepted and tomorrow afternoon has his first meeting with the business school at the University of Arizona. He hopes to move and start this fall for his junior year.

Though initially I had a difficult time accepting that C may be moving 1679.74 miles (25 hours and 25 minutes by car) away, I can understand his desire to try a new city, move to a new area, go to a bigger college, and perhaps leave winter behind. For this my son and I have much in common. The need to try new things, explore, and take risks is a personal trait I have had to come to terms with myself; sometimes feeling guilty for wanting change in my life (must be the Catholic upbringing). I credit C with doing this by himself. He understands the risks (mostly the high cost of out-of-state tuition), of being far from family and of having only two friends that he knows in a new city. Though I'm sure by the end of his spring break week in Tucson he'll have more friends.

My son, C, is a great kid. He is smart, very witty, outgoing, sensitive, charming, approachable, and focused. College has changed him for the better - he is embracing his future, focusing on his studies and keeping the end goal in sight. Does it really matter, in the realm of life, where we graduate from college? Probably not. Does it matter that we enjoy the journey? Absolutely. I applaud my son for wanting to enjoy the journey, for doing the work, for keeping his goals in sight. I applaud my son for his ability to make and keep friends, getting better grades in college than in high school, for willing to take risks and move from family and friends to try something new and continue on his path to success.

Wherever C will live, he will always have two homes - one with dad, and one with mom. Home is in the heart and not in a physical place. I hope C enjoys his trip to Tucson this week...I hope C enjoys the journey of his life.

Work/Life Balance

Once a month I have a scheduled lunch with two co-workers. Usually we grab 30 minutes and dine in our company cafeteria, catching up on what's new with each other but end up talking mostly about work. Though the three of us work in the same department, we don't work in the same area and can go days without seeing or talking to each other. Today was our monthly lunch but only two of us could meet. Our third lunch partner didn't join us for lunch - she decided to work over the lunch hour so she wouldn't have to work tomorrow...on SATURDAY. 

My friend and I decided to go OUT for lunch today and enjoyed a 45-minute uninterrupted lunch. We did the usual 'how is work going' conversation ("fine", "busy"), caught up on recent travels (her to South Carolina), and then at the end of our salads began talking about alone time morphing into a conversation on work/life balance. I know I've written about 'time' before (or rather the lack of), but my co-worker and I found a common link that we never discussed before...we both have a need, or rather a yearning, for alone time. Some people don't like being alone or having time by themselves, rather keeping themselves busy or surrounded by others. Have you ever gone to a movie by yourself? Ate at a restaurant by yourself? Went to a party or social function by yourself? Sat in your home with no television or music on....in silence, by yourself? 

After my divorce 16 years ago I was alone for the first time in my life. Sure, I had a toddler son, but my ex and I had joint custody so there were days at a time that I was by myself. Alone. At the age of 30 this was both frightening and liberating. I then took a job that required travel and found myself learning to dine and entertain myself. Initially I was intimidated. Sitting in a restaurant, alone at a table, surrounded by couples or groups can feel both isolating, lonely and even embarrassing. After about one year of not only living alone (post-divorce) and traveling alone (for work), I started to feel more comfortable in my single activities and began coveting my alone time. 

Of course I greatly enjoyed and loved spending time with my son during the time he was in my care, and did talk to him everyday while he was at his dad's, but when he was away, I relished the freedom in doing what I want when I want. Saturday afternoon movie matinees were a favorite - especially since I always got to pick the movie! I became very comfortable being the 'third-wheel' with other couples when invited to parties and social events. Being alone and learning to entertain myself - in a way, take care of myself, matured me. Being alone helped me acquire personality traits such as independence, self-reliability, self-confidence, and assertiveness. I learned to be more approachable and lose the fear of talking to strangers. I learned to be okay with myself.

Not to get too off track, the point of our lunch talk today was that yes, we both enjoy our alone time and also desire a work/life balance that provides alone time. The three of us (including our co-worker who didn't make it to lunch today) are dedicated employees who put much effort into our professions. But we also have spouses, children, friends and activities that go beyond our job - in addition to the time we devote and deserve for ourselves. To our co-worker we missed at lunch today - we missed you at our monthly lunch but glad you are not working on Saturday. Perhaps we'll all have a bit of alone time this weekend...with our family, friends, or ourselves.

I restore myself when I'm alone. - Marilyn Monroe

ENFJ

About a month ago, my employer asked our department to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) - a personality test of sorts. I guess the goal was how the marketing team (around 50 of us) could communicate and work together better individually and in teams, and perhaps, get to know a bit more than we already think we do. This week we met for a 3-hour session with a consultant to learn our MBTI - simply put, a four letter acronym, one of 16 choices, that describes us in the easiest of terms to others.

I am an ENFJ.

E=Extraversion (source of energy)

N=Intuition (taking in information)

F=Feeling (decision making)

J=Judging (lifestyle)

My hallmark? Responsiveness. Though the ENFJ assigned to me is not surprising (to me, or my friends and co-workers), of more interest is the rather comprehensive workbook we took home with us to dive down into even more detail those personality traits. Well defined in the workbook are the areas that I personally contribute to, such as:

• soliciting everyone's opinion so that very voice is heard
• providing warmth, respecting diversity, and being sensitive to people's needs
• providing direction that is supportive, participative, and responsive
• providing caring support for others in times of flux
• being responsible and planful in order to assist others

Okay, I guess I agree with these "personality observations". Of more interest to me and in greater detail are the areas that "may irritate" others or which "may irritate" me. Mmmm...I need to read this.

Some of the traits listed that may irritate others include wanting everyone to get along, being too involved, helping too much, being overly zealous on issues, being overly idealistic, and my favorite "being too positive in general and in particular about people". Again, these are the personality traits so determined in me, that IRRITATE others. Really? Is it irritating to be helpful? involved? positive?

I realize, at my mid-life age, that my personality, including my personal ethics and morals, are pretty well set; perhaps only changed by a tumultuous life event that could so change my personality as to permanently change who I really am. I do not plan on having (hopefully) said life event. Ever.

As we sat in the room learning the four-letter acronym of our fellow co-workers, I listened intently for someone with the same four letters, and there is only one, my co-worker, C. A delightful, intelligent woman, who, I guess, is much like me. 

I knew I liked her the moment I met her. 

I may have a comrade to be helpful, involved, idealistic and zealously irritating to others. This makes me laugh. Is that irritating?

"Personality has the power to open many doors, but character must keep them open"