Work/Life Balance

Once a month I have a scheduled lunch with two co-workers. Usually we grab 30 minutes and dine in our company cafeteria, catching up on what's new with each other but end up talking mostly about work. Though the three of us work in the same department, we don't work in the same area and can go days without seeing or talking to each other. Today was our monthly lunch but only two of us could meet. Our third lunch partner didn't join us for lunch - she decided to work over the lunch hour so she wouldn't have to work tomorrow...on SATURDAY. 

My friend and I decided to go OUT for lunch today and enjoyed a 45-minute uninterrupted lunch. We did the usual 'how is work going' conversation ("fine", "busy"), caught up on recent travels (her to South Carolina), and then at the end of our salads began talking about alone time morphing into a conversation on work/life balance. I know I've written about 'time' before (or rather the lack of), but my co-worker and I found a common link that we never discussed before...we both have a need, or rather a yearning, for alone time. Some people don't like being alone or having time by themselves, rather keeping themselves busy or surrounded by others. Have you ever gone to a movie by yourself? Ate at a restaurant by yourself? Went to a party or social function by yourself? Sat in your home with no television or music on....in silence, by yourself? 

After my divorce 16 years ago I was alone for the first time in my life. Sure, I had a toddler son, but my ex and I had joint custody so there were days at a time that I was by myself. Alone. At the age of 30 this was both frightening and liberating. I then took a job that required travel and found myself learning to dine and entertain myself. Initially I was intimidated. Sitting in a restaurant, alone at a table, surrounded by couples or groups can feel both isolating, lonely and even embarrassing. After about one year of not only living alone (post-divorce) and traveling alone (for work), I started to feel more comfortable in my single activities and began coveting my alone time. 

Of course I greatly enjoyed and loved spending time with my son during the time he was in my care, and did talk to him everyday while he was at his dad's, but when he was away, I relished the freedom in doing what I want when I want. Saturday afternoon movie matinees were a favorite - especially since I always got to pick the movie! I became very comfortable being the 'third-wheel' with other couples when invited to parties and social events. Being alone and learning to entertain myself - in a way, take care of myself, matured me. Being alone helped me acquire personality traits such as independence, self-reliability, self-confidence, and assertiveness. I learned to be more approachable and lose the fear of talking to strangers. I learned to be okay with myself.

Not to get too off track, the point of our lunch talk today was that yes, we both enjoy our alone time and also desire a work/life balance that provides alone time. The three of us (including our co-worker who didn't make it to lunch today) are dedicated employees who put much effort into our professions. But we also have spouses, children, friends and activities that go beyond our job - in addition to the time we devote and deserve for ourselves. To our co-worker we missed at lunch today - we missed you at our monthly lunch but glad you are not working on Saturday. Perhaps we'll all have a bit of alone time this weekend...with our family, friends, or ourselves.

I restore myself when I'm alone. - Marilyn Monroe

ENFJ

About a month ago, my employer asked our department to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) - a personality test of sorts. I guess the goal was how the marketing team (around 50 of us) could communicate and work together better individually and in teams, and perhaps, get to know a bit more than we already think we do. This week we met for a 3-hour session with a consultant to learn our MBTI - simply put, a four letter acronym, one of 16 choices, that describes us in the easiest of terms to others.

I am an ENFJ.

E=Extraversion (source of energy)

N=Intuition (taking in information)

F=Feeling (decision making)

J=Judging (lifestyle)

My hallmark? Responsiveness. Though the ENFJ assigned to me is not surprising (to me, or my friends and co-workers), of more interest is the rather comprehensive workbook we took home with us to dive down into even more detail those personality traits. Well defined in the workbook are the areas that I personally contribute to, such as:

• soliciting everyone's opinion so that very voice is heard
• providing warmth, respecting diversity, and being sensitive to people's needs
• providing direction that is supportive, participative, and responsive
• providing caring support for others in times of flux
• being responsible and planful in order to assist others

Okay, I guess I agree with these "personality observations". Of more interest to me and in greater detail are the areas that "may irritate" others or which "may irritate" me. Mmmm...I need to read this.

Some of the traits listed that may irritate others include wanting everyone to get along, being too involved, helping too much, being overly zealous on issues, being overly idealistic, and my favorite "being too positive in general and in particular about people". Again, these are the personality traits so determined in me, that IRRITATE others. Really? Is it irritating to be helpful? involved? positive?

I realize, at my mid-life age, that my personality, including my personal ethics and morals, are pretty well set; perhaps only changed by a tumultuous life event that could so change my personality as to permanently change who I really am. I do not plan on having (hopefully) said life event. Ever.

As we sat in the room learning the four-letter acronym of our fellow co-workers, I listened intently for someone with the same four letters, and there is only one, my co-worker, C. A delightful, intelligent woman, who, I guess, is much like me. 

I knew I liked her the moment I met her. 

I may have a comrade to be helpful, involved, idealistic and zealously irritating to others. This makes me laugh. Is that irritating?

"Personality has the power to open many doors, but character must keep them open"