Holiday Rituals

I have many fond memories of holidays - Thanksgiving and Christmas especially. Halloween never really meant much to me. Sure, I'd go trick or treating in a homemade 'gypsy' costume made each year from leftover clothes I found in my mom's closet. Halloween ended abruptly for me when I was 11; not due to my age so much as to my height - I was already 5'7" and when adults opened the door I was told I was "too old" and should leave the candy for the young kids. I haven't worn a costume since 1973.

The remaining holidays - Valentine's, Easter, 4th of July, Labor Day - never held any significance in our family. No rituals surrounded these dates except for the ritual of laziness. Having a Monday, Friday or day during the week off was holiday enough - no need for extra celebration.

But Thanksgiving and Christmas held specific rituals and importance in our family. Both of these holidays were equally shared between my parent's families; down to the time of eating, raisins in the stuffing (only on my mom's side), prayers said, games played, naps taken.

I've always been fond of rituals, which is probably why I enjoyed attending Catholic Mass for so many years - until I realized the ritual of Mass and the ritual of Eucharist wasn't enough to sustain my participation. Holiday rituals are important and I believe a vital component of a child's upbringing. Rituals form memories and memories are one of building blocks of a healthy mental attitude. Betsy Taylor states “Rituals give kids a sense of security in a fast-moving, unpredictable world, as well as memories they will cherish a lifetime.”

The holiday rituals our family celebrated formed memories for me that I reflect on, especially during this time of the year. Though my childhood sometimes had more 'downs' then 'ups' it is the memory of the many family gatherings I cherish and remember the most.

My son recently turned 20 and we just celebrated Thanksgiving together - it was our 5th Thanksgiving together. My ex-husband and I divorced when our son was 3 and for the next 15 years the two of them celebrated turkey day with my ex's family. Since starting college in Minnesota two years ago, my son now joins us for Thanksgiving. Throughout his first 18 years, the three of us celebrated Christmas together and enjoyed the ritual of Christmas Eve church service, my son and I sitting next to each other in a pew singing along with the choir, which his dad still sings in. We then would go to my home for a relaxing Christmas Eve dinner while our son anxiously waited to open his presents. Oftentimes we drove around the neighborhood looking at all the beautiful and colorful holiday lights. These are our son's memories; our son's rituals. Though our son is a product of divorce, we came together as a family at Christmas (along with sporting events, school activities, choir concerts, doctor appointments...).

My son was here for Thanksgiving weekend but I won't see him until January. In a few weeks after finishing finals, he'll travel west 600 miles to his dad's home and spend the Christmas holiday. I'll miss him on Christmas; miss his excitement in opening gifts; in digging into homemade chex mix; in giving me a warm hug. But I know where he'll be on Christmas Eve...sitting in a church pew, singing carols while his father is in the choir on stage. After church, they'll go home and have something nice to eat and open gifts. Though the three of us may not be together this year, I know the holiday ritual we started 20 years ago still continues.